Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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