I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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