who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
