drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
