I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
