My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
