just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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