You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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