Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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