I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
