Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
