He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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