i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
