508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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