i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
