My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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