I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
