lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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