that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
