Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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