why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
