nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
