I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
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As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
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He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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