I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
