I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So vagazzling was a success
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
