it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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