I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
