Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
...so i touched it.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
