youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
