There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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