I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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