I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
jump out the window naked night went bad
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