I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
