So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
