Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
