I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
