I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
