And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize