the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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