Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
