There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
