well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
