whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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