Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
