there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
