Apparently you make a good broom.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
my god I love twenty year old dicks
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
