I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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