What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
