It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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