ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
