Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
you never un-have a 4some
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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