yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
