I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Drunk is a universal language darling
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