We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
