she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
