I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
