my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
