My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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