Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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