Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
