So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
