I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
