I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
