let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
