Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
